If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all . . .

Why does the world have to be filled with rotten people? I suppose it's to help the rest of us strive to be better, but I still wish I didn't have to co habitat with neanderthals.

I've been following the tragic results from the story of Camille Cleverly and my heart just ached for her family and friends. I went to her facebook site to offer my condolences and instead found some arrogant boy making snide comments about "alot of good your praying did, she's still dead" and "why don't you all keep your religious comments to yourselves!".

I was utterly appalled! How could anyone be so devoid of human feeling, as to attack someone when they are dealing with a loss? A better person would of probably said nothing, but seeing as I have some neanderthal in me as well, I wrote on the site and asked people to have some sensitivity. This of course opened the floodgates to cretins everywhere, to personally attack me, right down to my looks and weight.

Why do people feel the need to belittle others to make themselves feel better? Why can't people be tolerant of others beliefs and have some respect for human life, regardless if they knew the person or not. The whole thing just disgusted me. The natural man in me had some pretty witty comments for the bitter young lady who had sent me messages. I'm not the kind of person to stand by and let people take shots at me. I've never been able to walk away from a fight when it becomes personal, so it will surprise you all what I choose to do. Nothing. I blocked the young lady from sending me further messages (apparently my last message to her to stop emailing me, was not received) and I removed myself from the Camille site.

Unfortunately, now I can't stop all the witty comments from swirling in my head and the feeling of defeat and cowardice. I suppose it all comes back to the same thing, we need those kind of people in the world so we can rise above it all and become better people. If only we could do that and still have the last word.

Where Can I Turn For Peace?

The last couple of weeks I've been working on a hymn medley to sing with Ben and my friends Jayne and Jed Wells in church. We sung the song in church yesterday, and we had practiced it several times before that, but it wasn't until I was in the shower this morning, that the words struck my heart.

This is the first part:

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources fail to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Have you ever found yourself asking these very questions? Where can I find peace? Do you ever feel like you are trying to fill the void with the wrong kinds of things? Do you ever have to dig deep into your soul when you are hurting? I know I've felt that way and it just sounded so profound to me. I found myself going "yes, I felt that struggle for peace, but where can I get real peace in the middle of trials?"

Then the second part of the song came into mind:

Be still, my soul:
The Lord is on thy side
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul:
Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

I must of sung this song a million times, but never was it such an answer to my prayers. We can be at peace because the Lord is on our side. If we patiently endure our pains and trust God he will put things in order and provide for us. He is our best and most faithful friend and will lead us through the end.

Here is the final part of the song:

Our Savior's love shines like the sun with perfect light.
As from above it breaks thru clouds of strife.
Lighting our way, It leads us pack into his sight.
Where we may stay to share eternal life
Eternal life.

Our Saviors love is perfect; something that is given without us having to be perfect. I've often wondered how people going through hardships can claim they feel peace even though they still feel pain. Our Savior's love makes it possible. It's hard for us in our mortal state to understand how He makes it possible, but He does. Even when the path is unclear, or the trials are difficult, or the pain is strong, His love makes it endurable. All we have to do is ask.

Tales from the Potty Whisperer

I had the pleasure of spending my Labor Day weekend trying to potty train my daughter Ella. I realized she was only 22 months old, so I was leery about even trying since she was so young, but she had been very enthusiastic about the whole thing and I didn't want to discourage her.

Last month we almost went crazy trying to keep diapers on the poor thing. The minute she would see a potty (this could even be just a picture of one) she would pull off her diaper and go and sit down and then of course demand a clean diaper even though the old one hadn't been used. She would also do this the minute her diaper got dirty, which was pretty nasty when it was a #2 concoction. Twice, she successfully went in the potty. After much deliberation and several wasted diapers we decided to give in and start potty training.

It didn't take long for me to remember why I hated potty training so much. You are basically imprisoned to your house and sentenced to asking your toddler if they are dry every 5 minutes. I couldn't even escape it in sleep. My dreams were laced with "are you dry"s and "do you have to go potty?"

Ells was willing for the most part to sit on the potty, but actually doing anything on the potty was another story. We gave her tons to drink to encourage her to go, but the little stinker just kept holding it in. I had a chart to record when she drank, had accidents, and went potty etc. so I knew about when an accident would occur. Around that time I'd encourage her to go potty.

We'd sit and sit and sit, but nothing. Games, stories, singing, coloring. . . still nothing. She just kept holding it in. I finally let her get up when my legs lost all feeling in them and then after pulling up her pants she'd take a few steps and just explode. Augh!

This happened several times with the holding time just getting longer. Finally I decided I'd just keep her entertained on the potty until she went. She however was going for some Olympic record because she was not going to go. I finally had to leave for my show and I got a call from Ben a few minutes later that she had finally gone.

Ben did a big hooray for her and gave her tons of treats, but she still seemed upset. I decided I'd try again the next day and see how it went before I decided to bag it.

Again it was a game of holding it in, until she'd stand up, or even better the time when she was jumping on our couch and had a Niagra Falls moment.

After cleaning the couch I realized she just really wasn't ready for it after all. She was having some major concerns about actually going on the potty and I didn't want to make things worse. I decided I would revisit this nightmare again in a couple months.

In the meantime I've been fighting with the feelings of failure. Supermom could potty train in one day, why couldn't I? This of course just opened the flood gates for overall inadequacy. I was discussing this with a friend and I think I'm going to write a book: Tales from the Potty Whisperer and other fantastical stories. I envision a funny book making fun of all those extreme new age parenting books that claim to know all the secrets about parenting. For example I remember reading a parenting book that suggested if your child didn't pick up their toys, you didn't punish them or give them any consequences, but picked the toys up yourself and just told your child you were disappointed in them. Now any kid with the devious gene like my son is going to learn to live with the disappointment in exchange for a full service maid. Oh I've read dozens of funny claims that would just be funny to discuss in a book. (I've also read a lot of good ideas in parenting books too, so I'm not making fun of parenting books, just extremists)

O.k. so I'm not really going to write a book or anything, but it did make me think that maybe I'm just too hard on myself and my kids. Society sets these unreal expectations that anyone short of Supermom is going to fail. Unfortunately this is even more so in Mormon culture. We love our kids, we want them to have the best, and we want to be the best mom ever. But does that mean you have to do everything?

Is it really imperative that we all get up at the crack of dawn to make homemade bread, or make our own organic baby food, or hand sew all our kid's costumes, or have them reading before they are three, or get them into the most prestigious pre-school? No. Sure these are all great things, and I would kill to have any of these talents, but does it make you less of a Mom if you don't do those things. I've concluded that it really doesn't. What children are going to remember is that we loved them and made time for them.

Now does that solve all feelings of inadequacy. Unfortunately not, but hopefully it will give me some comfort to remind myself that I'm a good mom because I love my kids. Even if they are in diapers until they graduate!

August!

I realized I hadn't written a single thing for the month of August and the reason would be that I haven't had a moment to really sit down at the computer. It started out as a regular month for us, rehearsals about 4 times a week and a few play dates here and there, but then it just got crazy after about the first week.

My sister Andrea came into town the second week of August, and we had so much fun together. We took the kids to Thanksgiving Point to the Children's Gardens. We let the kids play in the water and had a picnic. I'll have to snag some of the pictures my sister took. Then on Saturday I got to take my sister around town to find a temple dress since she was going through the temple the next week. Later that day she got to come to one of my rehearsals and see all the craziness in person. On Sunday I talked her into staying a little later so she could be my guinea pig for a new recipe I wanted to try, Chicken with Mushroom Cream Sauce (we made it in cooking group) and it fortunately turned out great!

Week three of August consisted of more rehearsals, and then on Thursday we headed up to Boise. Friday we got to spend the day with our friends the Prices who just moved from Saratoga Springs to Caldwell. The kids had a great time playing in the water together and Ben and I got to fight over who got to hold Rachel's new baby.

That night there was a high school reunion picnic at DeMeyer Park. (Ten years, wow that makes me feel old!) It was really weird to bring my kids to the park where I used to play when I was a kid. There were tons of little kids everywhere so my kids were in heaven. I got to catch up with some old friends, but there were quite a few I didn't recognize. I always feel awkward when I haven't talked to someone in awhile. I get stuck in this limbo state of the person I used to be and the person I am now and I hate just passing idle chit chat "how's the weather" kind of stuff. Needless to say I survived and finally was able to enjoy myself near the end.

Saturday, we got to wake up nice and early to go with Andrea through the temple for the first time. I hadn't been in the temple with my family since I got my endowments so it was a wonderful experience. Afterwards we had a BBQ at my parents house and let the kids run wild with the Price's kids. At this point I was totally tired from the full schedule and no sleep so I squeezed in a power nap so I could attend the Saturday night high school reunion.

Hmmm, let's just say I'm really glad I've closed the high school chapter of my life. The party was held at The Reef which is a club, or in other words a bar. There was supposed to be dinner and a program, but it ended up being appetizers and some music in the background. The super awesome door prizes mostly consisted of Centennial T-shirts and cases of red bull. So we basically paid $40 a piece to see other members of our class fill up on free alcohol and get wasted. I did have a really good time talking to some of my old friends though, even though the party was not that great. Let's face it, at this point in my life, why would I want to hang out at a club?

So, after my "bar" experience we spent Sunday with my family and then headed back to Utah. Now, week four got really nuts. When I got back we were in dress rehearsal week, which meant long rehearsals every night. Friday was opening night and it actually went great! We had an awesome audience and we didn't make any major mistakes. The first picture is me in my maiden costume and the other one is for the second act when we are in our nightgowns looking for "papa".

I stayed out pretty late Friday night celebrating Opening Night, so I was pretty tired for a day at Lagoon on Saturday. My dad's company party was at Lagoon, so my dad, mom, and sister Andrea, came down take us all to Lagoon (free!) The pictures are from when we first got there. I don't think I posted the terrified looks Ella had on the rides. It's the first time she's been on a ride, so I think it scared her to death.

My parents were nice enough to take the kids for most of the day so Andrea, Ben, and I could go ride some rides. We went on the classic white roller coaster, Mouse Trap, bumper cars, the haunted house, the rocket, and the sky ride. We wasted most of our time waiting in line for Wicked, but it kept braking down. After about 30 minutes of waiting, and no moving, we finally gave up. The line wound around the entire park. After we finished riding rides, we met up with my parents and the kids in Lagoona Beach. Apparently the kids were sick of riding rides after 3 rides and begged grandma and grandpa to go play in the water. It was a super hot day! So my mom bought the kids swim suits and let them play in the water. They looked so happy not to have to ride any more rides. After we picked up the kids we went to a BBQ thing for my Dad's work and then had to race home since I had a show that night.

We got home and I showered and drove to the theater in like 15 minutes. I was excited because I had comp. tickets for my mom, Andrea, Ben and Hyrum to come see the show. We had a great audience and the show was awesome. We had so much fun on stage, but I was so tired by the time I got home that night. Sunday was kind of a blur for me.

So, now we are in the final days of August and it appears to be slowing down. I had another show last night and I'll have some on Friday and Saturday for the next couple of weeks, but at least I don't have to go to rehearsals in between. The rest of this week is going to be a serious catch up week. I've already done about a million loads of laundry. I'm hoping September will be a little tamer, but the calendar is already starting to look like a war zone. Ah well.

Farewell to Disneyland

The Best of Disney show is now officially over and I finally took some pictures before the very last performance (which unfortunately wasn't our best performance). It's always so sad for me when a show ends. Some of the people you may bump into again in another show, but some of the people you may never see again. Everyone gets so close to each other during a show because you spend so much time together; it's just hard to imagine you might not see each other again. Fortunately, alot of my Disney pals are in Pirates of Penzance as well, but it won't ever feel like Disney. Each cast and each show is so different. I have to say though, that even though it's hard to say goodbye to friends, I'd still do it all over again even if the friendship is only for a short while.

Our lovely sequin costumes for a Friend Like Me! Can you spot the genie?

This is a few of us girls right after the Under the Sea dance. We couldn't get any of the guys because they had a quick costume change for I'll Make a Man Out of You.





This lovely plaid ensemble is for Supercal.... which was super fast! I have no idea what happened to the other three dancers?

A Pirate's Life For Me!

I finally decided to go ahead and audition for Pirates of Penzance. I was cast as one of the maidens, which isn't too bad of a part after all. I was however surprised that Pirates is actually an Operetta, not a Musical. You should see the gigantic folder of music I have to learn in a matter of weeks. It's like 200 pages long with only a total of maybe 3 pages of actual dialogue. Not to mention that we were short on Altos so I volunteered to switch from my comfortable Soprano part. So if I'm not killed by one of the pirates, the music will surely do me in. Arrrrrrrr!

Ella's First Haircut

As adorable as Ella is, she was still starting to look like a hillbilly with her former mullet hairdo, thus the decision to go get her hair cut for the first time. Last week we went down to Fantastic Sams (because I'm not paying more than $10 for a kids haircut) and I just sat Ella on my lap while the girl cut her hair. Ella was a little nervous, but actually sat pretty still. She did however freak out when they tried to blow dry it, so simple hair styles it is. Fortunately, her hair is still really fine, so I can just wet it down and flip it out with a baby brush. We'll probably let it grow out again so we can have those cute pigtails, but the bob looks very cute on her!